I was driving my
son to his guitar lesson the other day when I casually asked if he practiced
much in the past week. I knew the answer
– it was a rhetorical question. I knew
the guitar had sat in the exact same spot he left it after his last
lesson. I’m not sure what I was
expecting to hear.
You see he saved
up his money and bought the guitar himself.
I told him if he wanted to play guitar he could pay for the guitar, and
I would pay for lessons. I thought this
would be a good compromise and would encourage him to work at it. I figured by doing this, he would appreciate
the value of the instrument and not want to waste his money. I expected him to want to learn how to the
play the guitar whole heartedly. But he
is 11. And he loves life, sports, being
outside on his bike, playing with his friends.
Not sitting inside playing his guitar.
So it lasted 3
weeks. We are now into week 7. The guitar is left alone, more than it is
played - I understand that it is a busy time of year for an eleven-year-old,
but is it not always.
I got a little
upset about his lack of practicing. And
then I asked myself, what was I expecting?
Had I voiced my concerns to him?
Had we talked the whole thing through?
We started guitar lessons in the middle of summer!!! What was I thinking?!?
Expectations are a
funny thing aren’t they? It is no
different from making “assumptions” (remember; when you assume, you make and
Ass out of U and Me). An expression my grade
8 teacher reminded the class of repeatedly!
I looked up the word ‘expectation’ in the dictionary it means: a
strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future. A belief that someone will or should achieve
something.
And then I read something pretty profound:
When we let expectations rule our lives, we set ourselves up for
disappointment. And then we judge
ourselves for it!
After thinking about this for a while, I couldn’t help but
remember a funny story my parents had shared with me. After their wedding and on their way to the
honeymoon destination my father realized there was only one suitcase. Surprised that all of their things could fit
into one case he casually mentioned it to my Mom. He had fully expected she was going to pack
his things for their week away. Funny
how expectations can lead to disappointment….It must have been a great way to
start their honeymoon!
It wasn’t too long ago, when I would often think people
around me had their own expectations of what they wanted me to do and I didn’t
want to disappoint them or myself. So I
stayed the course and didn’t do anything that would create too much unwanted
attention. However, I found myself
struggling internally and constantly judging and feeling disappointed. You see, at the time I thought it would be
best if I were a wallflower type. I always
worried about how I would be judged if I broke the mold that people had set out
for me.
In the last few years, I decided to chart my own
course. Break free from the chains of what
people expected me to do, and jump in feet first. I have learned (as corny as this sounds) the
path of life is similar to that of a river; a constant stream that keeps
moving. Sometimes the current is strong
and things move fast, other times, it is slow and steady. And then there are times where you just need
a break and you lay on the bank for a bit.
Dry out and get ready to jump back in.
I have learned that doing something like this requires
trust. Trusting that you can do it. Trusting that letting go of the expectations and
going with the flow just might bring things to the table you may have never
have thought of or even imagined before.
Or ever had the guts to do!
We are at the 7 week mark of the guitar lessons, I have to
remind myself that I cannot set expectations on a kid who has no idea what I am
expecting of him. So last night we sat
and chatted about how we were going to move forward and how we can do this so
he is prepared and I don’t feel like I am wasting money so he can re-learn the same
chords over and over again!
